Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
