when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
