Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
