He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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