did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
