it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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