On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
