I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
