apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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