Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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