i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
