If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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