Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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