Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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