It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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