He asked to "fluff my boner.."
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
