To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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