i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Alive.
So much puke
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize