I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
