And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
