Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
