maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
