Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
