Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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