can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
