So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
