I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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