I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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