I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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