i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
