the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
