Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
