i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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