it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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