i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
