doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
