I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
