Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize