I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
