Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
