I wish I could punch you in the face.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
