Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
