Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize