Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
