I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
