I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
