and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
