shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize