Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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