Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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