Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
