I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
