So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
