why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
