you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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