Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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