Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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