i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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