goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
