Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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