the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
