It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
