I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
