I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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