My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
All the doctor said was why
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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