Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize