is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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