He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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