I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize