we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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