i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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