Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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